I'm fuming right now, I mean smoke is literally coming out of my ears. One of the sychophants on my yahoo group (I call them the CDR) tipped me off to the fact that a bunch of snot-nosed punks from Aliso Niguel High School (the real school I set my latest piece of shit novel in) are writing a bunch of really negative reviews at BarnesandNoble.com.
Can't they understand that those reviews affect my sales? And nothing gets between me and my Goddamned royalty checks. Look here you little cocksuckers get it through your thick pubescent skulls that IT'S FICTION. Not to be taken seriously. Make believe. You know like that "love" you are feeling for the hunky football player that doesn't notice you because you play sax in the marching band. It's all an illusion.
On the bright side I've lost 20+ lbs and can finally stop shopping at Lane Bryant. How did I do it, you might ask. Well for one thing I got off my anti-psychotic medications. They made me drowsy and hungry. But the real secret is summarized in two words. Bulimia and coke. Notice that coke is not capitalized. I'm talking about 80% pure Colombian blow. You do enough of that shit and the last thing you want to do is eat. You just want to dance dance dance. Whenever I do eat a bite, right back out it comes. Voila!
Soon I'll be able to wear a size 16.
See ya chicas,
Besitos,
Not Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez
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1 year ago
1 comment:
One thing I'd love to tell AVR: Karma's a bitch.
...this is just too hilarious....AVR must have really pissed off some really intelligent and insightful people to deserve this. Keep the laughs coming. Glad to see you are back.
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