Stop bothering me!

Girls,

You can quit sending me your fucking emails because I'm busy busy busy with more important shit. Like what, you might ask.

Well how about running two blogs, since you bitches ended up hating myspace like the plague. I had to come back over here to blogger even though it's so yesterday. The worst part is that some cybersquatter took all of the blog names that I wanted, including my old one. So I had to settle for this piece of crap. I'll be remodeling soon, this layout looks rather outdated and my attention span is way too short to keep using the same one for more than a couple of weeks. Besides it's the new, rehabilitated, me!

I'm also writing three books at once (man, I'm telling you it's so fucking easy to write this shit and sell it to you all that I can literally write multiple books at once), raising my gifted kid, writing a movie script, writing alimony checks to my ex, jogging 3 hours a day, suing the neighbors, playing the saxaphone, reading those goddam Miami Mafia Cuban blogs trying to figure who is parodying me, flying around hawking my new book 'Hooters' and teaching at dad's University.

Speaking of the teaching gig, I love the fact that I can read Lenin, Chomsky, and hunky Hugo, too, and call it "scholarship." Thanks, Dad! After all, what else are English departments made for, if not ideological indoctrination? Diversity is only applicable to skin color, ladies, not ideas. Forget the fact that I don't have any color, these stupid white men who run these universities think I do. They're all alike and as long as those gullible dopes can help me make my credit card payments I'll be playing that angle like Minnesota fucking Fats.

Girls I can't tell you how happy I am about my latest book reviews. Anyone that says they don't read their reviews is lying their fucking ass off. To me, reading them is like looking in the mirror. For someone as gifted as I am I wonder why I need approval all the time. Must have been the low self-esteem my mom, the whore, instilled in me. Anyway in the latest reviews, they say I "express hate so well." Damn right, that's the essence of the real me. Be sure to read those reviews again and again as lovingly as I do. It's the only way to really be in touch with me. And a damn sight better than sending me all those goddamned emails.

Go buy my book, I still need to make the Target book shelves and that's dependent on suckers like you getting my rankings up there first. I need those royalty checks, jackasses!

Besitos,

Not Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez