Monday, August 14, 2006

Make Him Look Good

is making me look bad! I was just looking at my Amazon rankings. 109,000 ouch! Boy I really mailed it in when I wrote that last piece of shit and you chicas were too smart to bite. I guess you're not as fucking stupid as I thought. Guess what though, I'm laughing all the way to the bank with that advance my publisher gave me.

I'm not looking forward to writing the next book. I'm actually gonna have to put some effort into it. Research, outline, real writing. Yuck! I don't want to think about it anymore, I'm going purse shopping.

later Sucias

Not Alisa Lynn Valdes (formerly Not Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez)

21 comments:

Alisa Lynn Valdes said...
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Alisa Lynn Valdes said...
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Alisa Lynn Valdes said...
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Alisa Lynn Valdes said...
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Alisa Lynn Valdes said...
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Alisa Lynn Valdes said...
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Alisa Lynn Valdes said...
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not Alisa said...

You know what they say: If you can't stand the heat...

My aren't we a little thin-skinned.

Oh I'm sure a judge is going to be ready willing and able to disregard the constitution of the United States of America. And I'm sure every book reviewer and newspaper editor is going to have to get permission to use your name.

Your whacko lady.

Oh, but first you have to find out who I am.

Alisa Lynn Valdes said...

See you in court. You won't find me on this site again, but you will find my lawyers here.

not Alisa said...

Are those the lawyers that told you to come on here and antagonize me or was that the law student that's been giving you free legal advice?

I hope you're willing to travel because I ain't going to Albacracky.

Think about all the great publicity you'll be generating for this blog. It'll be sweet.

Too bad you didn't think of this parody blog thing first, it could have been a nice ploy ro spike up slow book sales.

And you know you can't stay away, you're too narcissistic.

Anonymous said...

Dang it, Elephant Butte! Elephant Butte! Not Albacracky!

Still Not Alisa

ruthiecat said...

Why'd you delete the comments? I didn't get to read them.

I am just curious why you are so obsessed with her. Why go through all the trouble of looking up her stats on Amazon and maintain a parody blog of her? Are you Jennifer Lopez? I don't think she would be this intelligent. A deranged fan of J Lo?

You claim we Alisa fans put her on a pedestal. Maybe. I personally have not met Alisa. I like her books. They are fun, not Nobel Prize lit. I think we all know that. I enjoy her blog and her little Sucia community. She seems like a person that I would get along with. A person that makes mistakes and sometimes says things she wishes she hadn't. I'm not stupid like that Jasso person but I also initially thought that it was Alisa herself that was doing this parody. Imagine, a college graduate thinking this! Of course it was upon closer inspection that I realized it wasn't. Your blog is vitriolic and pointless. It pisses me off and makes me want to defend Alisa, even though I don't know her. Imagine that.

not Alisa said...

The the missing comments belong to none other than Alisa herself. She then came in and deleted them. The only people that can delete comments are the blog's admin(s) or the user that posted the particular comment. Well as she astutely pointed out, once out there, they are out there. I have the comments archived. Maybe I'll post them.

As for why I do this, the truth is I thought it would be fun. I didn't even know who Alisa was until I became aware of a tantrum she was having about a newspaper ignoring her during her recent book tour.

Then I found out about her long history of alienating people.

I had been a reader of another parody blog that doesn't exist anymore (the author lost interest) but it was hilarious. So I decided I'd take the same approach. I've been told that when I'm in character that it's like I can channel her. Scary.

If you don't like this blog, and I mean this respectfully, don't read it. This isn't supposed to cause you any grief. Hopefully you can laugh and enjoy it and separate that from your admiration for her work.

I laugh at the jokes they make about our political leaders even if I don't agree with the point of view, if they are funny. If you don't find it funny you don't have to come over.

Hugs,

Not AVR

Anonymous said...

Great blog! And don't let those remarks about you being insane bother you. What do they know, right?

Sincerely,
David Berkowitz (aka Son of Sam)

Anonymous said...

You've been an alisa sycophant on alisa's blog, chatting with alisa, lauding alisa, praising alisa, flattering alisa like a court poofter for a long long time, Ruthiecat. Don't pretend you don't know her and you're this innocent impartial observer. You're a known factor. It's all in the records.

The Penguin said...

According to Son of Sam's website,

"David is not allowed computer access. If you have questions or comments you may send them here:
info@forgivenforlife.cominfo@forgivenforlife.com"

Who the hell is spawning comments from David Berkowitz?

Wait a minute, Son of Sam is a Sucia?

Doobie doobie doo...

signed,
Definitly NOT David Berkowitz - most likely ALV or a 'sycophant' wanting the car keys again

IRENE R. JASSO said...

Dear Not Alisa...First of all I just can't stay away..it's too curious..and quite interesting..per your instructions I did look into the except from AVR's resignation letter..and I am shocked..It's amazing..Thank you for the insight..I am almost afraid to look any further under the rug..as I did purchase many books at one of her book signings and took a picture of her with me..

I hope that your "almost evil" quote was all in jest in your "NOT" dialogue. In any case I still feel that she has given Latinas a more positive image than that as " dumb, fast and loose". And as for "Ruthiecat"..thanks for the compliment, I actually love insults, they make me see the folks who hurl them as they really are..or maybe I am "stupid" and so stupid that I don't even know it.
Maybe that saying "Ignorance is Bliss"...is sooo true. My personal favorite is "Forgive them for they Know not What They DO".

Peace,
Irene R.Jasso

Anonymous said...

Pul-leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease post the comments that were deleted.

Not begging...okay, maybe a little.

ruthiecat said...

For anonymous who can't even post who they are, I don't know Alisa personally. duh. I thought that was implied.

Anonymous said...

How the heck can you delete your own comments? I wasn't even aware that was possible.

not Alisa said...

If you have a blogger account a little trash can icon appears next posts that you have made. You click that little trash can and it asks you if you really want to delete comment. It doesn't work for anonymous comments.