Monday, August 21, 2006

Legal Eagle

I just wanted to take a minute to thank my attorney (well actually he's a law student) who goes by the name of John Longfellow (I bet he is a long fellow, giggle). He has really been quite a comfort to me these days since that damned psycho Miami stalker started satirizing me on his "parody blog." And Long John's ex-girlfriend, a local prosecutor in Chicago, also has some great ideas about how I can SILENCE my critics for good. She says nobody can call me a stupid cunt, even if I am a public figure and even if it's true because it's malice. Malice, malice, malice! You hear that, you asshole Miami stalker?

hugs,

Not the truly gifted Alisa

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

You're not in Miami. Don't lie.

Anonymous said...

Hey Alisa,

I just checked out your new myspace page. When did you become a "fitness instructor?"

Art Vandelay said...

So...are you going to keep this parody site up now that A has moved her blog to myspace, or what?

not Alisa said...

Maybe I'll follow her over there and see who can generate more friends. On second thought myspace sucks ass and I wouldn't be caught dead there.

Jesse Camp said...

You know...there are other blogs on blogger to parody. I can think of several off the bat. Hmm...perhaps that up-and-coming, young writer dude I keep hearing about...

not Alisa said...

Who might that be? And the subject of a parody doesn't have to have a blog. I think I'm gonna stay right here and keep on doin what I'm doin.

Anonymous said...

Hola Persona que no es Alisa Valdess-RODRIGUEZZZZ

I saw in a wiki entry that NOT you and Patrick were going to remarry in august??? hasn't anyone commented on that yet?

Anonymous said...

Why don't you ask the Real Alisa about that? Or wait till Dave The Copy Editor comes round, he might have some insights.

Alisa and her husband have been married three times so a fourth time might not be unreasonable to anticipate. Things move fast with that crew, it might well be by next August that they marry yet again.

Kinda like playing barbies.

Bruce Dickinson said...

Lady anonymous,

I know the real Patrick, we've done musicals together, great dancer that man, his calves are breathtaking, his form is...superb. Anyway, he has only been married once to that woman, so I don't know where you get your information from. Yes, it's true, they sort of reconciled after the divorce, but they never married again, and, as far as I know, they don't plan on it. In fact, rumor has that Patrick is seeing someone at the moment, and it's serious.

Wait, did you say you've got Barbies?

Anonymous said...

Dave's dead. I read the news in that dude's new blog.

Spread the word.

Anonymous said...

Brucie: The Real Alisa wrote some such in her blog. But we'll take your word for it. Somehow, she has a casual relationship with the facts, about as on-again, off-again as her relationship with her husband.

So tell us, Bruce, what's the new girl like? Is she slim? Is she pretty? Is she young? Does she have real eyelashes and an actual neck? Is she a real Latina lady? Does she keep her counsel or does she splat out all her sex secrets, making a simple trip to the gas station an occasion for male-anatomy filth talk directed at her in-laws and compare and contrast what sex is like between Luis Andrade and her own husband on public blogs?

Do tell, Bruce! What's the new muchacha like?

Bruce Dickinson said...

What's the new girl like... Well, hmmm, let's see...

Oh, yeah, I remember now - She's quite the looker, really. About in her mid-20s, brunette, hazel eyes, light complexion, somewhat curvy - a size 4 maybe, or maybe a 2 - great pair of legs, and a nice tush, not that I look that often. Her face isn't much to look at, but whose face is? Reminds me of a screen actress from the 1960s who takes on the role of the independent, champion for women's rights, if I may say so. Yeah, that's it.

I don't know anything about Patrick's ex-wfe's personal life. I guess that's her business, right? But if she put that information on the Internet, then, by golly it must be true, right? I mean, just the other day I saw a news article about how President Bush and Condi Rice are having an affair. Must be true.

Anonymous said...

Is she Desiree? Desiree's got a pretty face, you better not be insulting that one!

Bruce Dickinson said...

I don't know who that is. Oh, and as for the question regarding P's new flame being a real Latina, I'm afraid I cannot comment on that due to my New England liberal upbringing. Anyway, I think she's a nice Jewish girl from Brookline.