Sonofabitch!

I've just discovered that some bitch or bastard has created an exact duplicate of my blog and is calling it a parody. It's not funny. It's just stupid. They are even using a photo of Carnie Wilson as if it were me. What's that supposed to mean? Why would they want to lampoon me anyway. I mean there's no reason to target me.

For instance, just because:

• I am a shameless self promoter.
• I write terribly trashy brain candy that sets the women's movement back 50 years.
• My father is a communist college professor who worships at the altar of Fidel Castro.
• I rub everyone I meet or work with the wrong way with my self-aggrandizing attitude.
• I have to tell everyone I come into contact with that I'm a best selling author and one of Time Magazine's 25 most influential Hispanics (even though I think the word Hispanic is made up bullshit intended to keep people down).
• I am a self-lothing (half) Cuban, incapable of empathizing with the plight of 1.5 million Cubans living in exile.
• I am a self-loathing chubby, former fatty that has to call everyone else fat.
• I make up stories about being threatened by anti-Castro types to generate publicity for my lame book.
• I am a loudmouthed, arrogant bitch.
• I feel like a deserve to be praised by everyone including literary critics and should have the coverage that I deserve as a best selling author and one of Time Magazine's 25 most influential Hispanics.
• I have to tell everyone that I went to an Ivy League School.
• I Hate the fact that I might be labeled as Hispanic or Latina though I'll use it to promote myself whenever I can.
• I think anyone that disagrees with me is a Bush apologist and therefore a card-carrying Nazi.
• I have an army of brainless readers, whose claim to fame is that they shook my hand or gave me a little hug at a Barnes & Noble in shitville, USA, that are ready to agree to any ridiculous idea I have like one ISBN number for a book regardless of how many languages it's published in (so I can continue to say I'm a best selling author even though my latest garbage isn't selling a lick).
• Every faux pas I have ever made has been documented on the Internet because I'm stupid enough to leave an electronic paper trail when I make my inane and insulting comments.

What's so "funny" about any of this? What dammit? I'm going to find a way to sue this person that's making a mockery of me! I swear to God (even though like a good Communist, I don't believe in God) I'm going to get even.

Now go out and BUY MY FUCKING BOOK!

not Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez